There
was a time in my short existence on earth where I was always almost never truly
happy. I was always basing my
happiness on short-lived shallow things.
Whenever I didn’t have these things or I couldn’t get it I would complain
about how much my life sucked and I was a very depressed angry little boy. Many of my family and even close
friends knew me as a drama queen.
Definition: A depressing
person who over acts to every situation and that no one wants to be around and is
typically an UNHAPPY person
When
my brother graduated elementary school my parents got him a cell phone for his
achievement. I did my usual bit
and asked them if I could have one.
They then told me politely that I was too young and I would have no good
use for it. I then continued with
my little one man show and all that night I complained insultingly to my
brother how spoiled he was and that he got everything. I then continued to rant loudly to
myself when it didn’t seem my parents would budge. When my mom finally came up stairs to tell me to be quit I
even went as far as to say the three words that would crush any moms heart “ I
HATE YOU”. This all happened over
a little plastic thing that you could talk to people with.
When
I was in middle school I had a mad crush on a girl. All my close friends know this classic story. I wrote love letters and even gave a
$20 gift certificate to this girl (which she later gave back). I asked this girl out 5 times and got
rejected four times by her and one time by her friend for her. After the fifth rejection I cried and
was greatly sorrowed. Mr. Drama
Queen had returned.
Then
one day my dad and mom announced that they would be going to a funeral for a
friend who had struggled and at last died of cancer. When my Mom and dad came
home with the itinerary of the funeral I took a look at it. It talked about how this man even near
death instead of complaining, or saying how his life sucked; he retained a
heart of gold. Definition: Someone
who is kind and understanding of other people. Someone who’s HAPPINESS
affects other people like a virus.
From
that day on I decided not to be a spoiled little materialistic brat. Instead I decided to try to be a happy
person that would aim to make the world a happier place. Instead of viewing happiness in shallow
materialistic things I would find happiness in things that really mattered like
friends, family, god, and within myself.
Don’t get me wrong I’ll always want newer things but, I’ll never base
all my happiness on it.
Hello Chad,
ReplyDeleteGood essay you have here - it shows you have really come a long way from how you started out. The body of the paragraphs are easily readable, and a person who is reviewing your work can pass right through it without difficulty in reading anything. Your writing touched upon a subject that many have had, so the impact will be good on those who read it and are inspired. You have a good theme, which is the main part of the essay, to convey the idea that you strongly have in mind to help others overcome it. I only recommend that you put "This, I Believe" somewhere in the essay.
Great work!
- Z
Hi Chad,
ReplyDeleteI can't even believe that was how you were before (being a brat), I am so shocked. Anyways I agree with Zach that you have a good essay and it is easy to read and follow. However, there are a few things I would have you improve on. One is when you put in those sentences with the definition into your paragraphs maybe make it flow better. It is a great touch to your essay but it kind of seems a bit off. Maybe you could put the definition and part of speech in parentheses and put it right after the word. Another thing you could do is maybe add a bit more details about how you felt during the two instances you mentioned (the crush on the girl and you wanting a cell phone). I also recommend you proof read your writing because you have some spelling errors like in the 2nd paragraph you but quit instead of quiet. Other than that your essay will be great.
-Mikayla Domingo
Hi Chad,
ReplyDeleteI agree with your teammates that you've got a good draft here. It clearly sets up a "before" and "after" in your maturation and talks about the event that led up to it. I also agree with your teammates that you need more specifics and that it might be better to leave out the definitions. The major point, however, is the one about more specifics for your turning point. You say that the person who died "retained a heart of gold" but you don't really provide specifics to "show not tell" about his life. (And I think a better word than "itinerary" would be "program" if you're talking about a funeral.)
Good luck on the revision...like your teammates, I find it hard to believe that you were not always the warm and compassionate person that you are today :)
mrs s